I Just Unfollowed Everyone On Instagram And It's The Weirdest Feeling... |Self Portraits

I just unfollowed everyone on Instagram and it is the weirdest feeling...

Yesterday I had a really good day. (Actually, I’ve been really happy for a while now. I’ve had a real breakthrough in my life which has been like a breath of fresh air. I’ve also been working on a few other things personally, which I’ll share in another post) but the point is I’m in a good place.

I hadn’t visited Instagram at all that day but I decided to check in quickly late last night. I was on there for less than 10 minutes but when I closed the app, I immediately felt down.

Suddenly, all the things lacking in my life; all the things I wish I had, my unfulfilled dreams came to the forefront of my mind. I was no longer content with life. I felt dissatisfied and disappointed.

I’ve noticed this pattern on a few occasions so I knew what was happening and I was determined not to let the low sink in. I ran outside to catch up with my sister who had just left the house to go home. I told her how I felt and she told me to just delete Instagram because it makes everyone feel terrible.

The problem with that idea was it raised the question of how do I share/ promote my visually led pursuits without being on this huge image-based platform? I’m one of the very few that doesn’t suffer from anxiety but I don’t like the random effect it can have on me emotionally.

I posed this question to my mother, told her the details surrounding my desire to leave Instagram. She gave me some great advice and her final conclusion was that I shouldn’t follow anyone at all, that I should stay in my own lane.

So that was it. I made the decision to unfollow everyone and to stay focused.

When I first started going through my follow list, it felt quite liberating as each following tab changed to follow. However, I found some people harder to unfollow than others. Not because they were my very close friends but because I felt I had broken a potential connection to people I wish I knew better or hoped to know in the future. Others because quite frankly I looked up to them and felt honoured that they would choose to follow me. It felt rude not returning the compliment.

When I had finished I didn’t feel free as I had anticipated; Instead, I felt odd and unsettled. It took me a few moments to identify my emotions. Then it finally dawned on me. ‘I feel alone’.

Instagram had become a place where I’d go to hang out with my fake friends.

It’s like when you’re a kid in high school and you realise that your friends aren’t really your friends at all. They don’t celebrate you or make you feel good about yourself. You don’t feel accepted. So you make the bold step to cut them off, but that lonely feeling creeps in as you ask yourself, “Now what?”.

That’s exactly how I felt. The weirdest thing is, I had no idea I even viewed Instagram in that way… It had become an emotional crutch. It was also the last remaining trace of my life as an influencer. A time when I truly felt accepted.

That deep need to feel connected even when the relationship is toxic can be detrimental to your soul.

I was also dealing with feelings of guilt- the idea that I may offend everyone but sometimes when you do things for self-preservation, some people may not understand and some may even take offence. However, this felt like a pivotal step towards protecting my peace.

An eye-opening comment my mum made to me was, “These people you were following, were having an affect on you and you didn’t even notice... in some way you wanted to be like them”. Then she ended with a statement so true: